Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Are you happy with your life?

This question was posed to me a few months ago and has not left my mind. My answer then (as well as now) was a firm, definate "yes".
I was then asked "why?"
This was a harder question to answer because well the truest answer made me feel really vulnerable and I hate being vulnerable. So I spouted off some answer about work being fabulous and my life being amazingly blessed. (At the time everything was going my way - still is really for the most part- in such a way that I think Heavenly Father must be buttering me up for some really difficult times ahead).
But as I've thought more about it I felt I needed to share the true reason I'm so happy with my life. And the external influences have nothing to do with it. Ok nothing may be an exaggeration I'm sure they contribute slightly but I believe I'd be happy even if things started to go wrong.
I am Happy because I am at Peace.
I am at peace with myself - something that until within the last year I hadn't realized I was lacking. So I tried to pinpoint the reason I felt like I was fighting against myself and came to realized I had lost myself- I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know what truly made me happy. I didn't know what hobbies I truly enjoyed or was just doing because I thought it was what people wanted me to do. For so long I had "adjusted" my likes and dislikes based on who my friends were or what was popular at the time that I completely lost track of me.
So in January I decided I needed to do something about it. And I embarked on a mission of self-discovery to find out who I was deep inside - the person who had gotten buried under "who I think everyone else wants me to be".
I went into social hibernation.
I spent a lot of time pondering.
I spent a lot of time praying.
I "tried on" new/old hobbies to see if I really liked them.
I stopped doing the things I knew I was doing because I thought it was what people wanted of me.
And little by little I came to know me again.
And found peace.
Which led to being happy and fulfilled - because I was doing what I loved and being who I truly am.
I'm still learning - with the help of Heavenly Father and a few friends that I'm sure don't even realize they're helping - and I am happy and encouraged by the bits of understanding I have gained.