Are you happy with your life?

This question was posed to me a few months ago and has not left my mind. My answer then (as well as now) was a firm, definate "yes".
I was then asked "why?"
This was a harder question to answer because well the truest answer made me feel really vulnerable and I hate being vulnerable. So I spouted off some answer about work being fabulous and my life being amazingly blessed. (At the time everything was going my way - still is really for the most part- in such a way that I think Heavenly Father must be buttering me up for some really difficult times ahead).
But as I've thought more about it I felt I needed to share the true reason I'm so happy with my life. And the external influences have nothing to do with it. Ok nothing may be an exaggeration I'm sure they contribute slightly but I believe I'd be happy even if things started to go wrong.
I am Happy because I am at Peace.
I am at peace with myself - something that until within the last year I hadn't realized I was lacking. So I tried to pinpoint the reason I felt like I was fighting against myself and came to realized I had lost myself- I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know what truly made me happy. I didn't know what hobbies I truly enjoyed or was just doing because I thought it was what people wanted me to do. For so long I had "adjusted" my likes and dislikes based on who my friends were or what was popular at the time that I completely lost track of me.
So in January I decided I needed to do something about it. And I embarked on a mission of self-discovery to find out who I was deep inside - the person who had gotten buried under "who I think everyone else wants me to be".
I went into social hibernation.
I spent a lot of time pondering.
I spent a lot of time praying.
I "tried on" new/old hobbies to see if I really liked them.
I stopped doing the things I knew I was doing because I thought it was what people wanted of me.
And little by little I came to know me again.
And found peace.
Which led to being happy and fulfilled - because I was doing what I loved and being who I truly am.
I'm still learning - with the help of Heavenly Father and a few friends that I'm sure don't even realize they're helping - and I am happy and encouraged by the bits of understanding I have gained.

Nauvoo - A little Peek

While in Nauvoo I took about 800 photos - while I go through them I thought I'd share two absolute favorites.

This was taken about 9 o'clock at night right after a torrential downpour (like I couldn't see to drive downpour) The statues are of Joseph and Hyrum Smith leaving Nauvoo for the last time as they head to Carthage. The story goes that they stopped at the temple site and turned to face the city and Joseph said "This is the most beautiful place and the best people under heaven" or something like that and I have to agree. Nauvoo was named well "Beautiful Place"

This was taken the morning we were leaving about 6 am. My dad's idea (he's brilliant sometimes - most of the time) and his picture - I couldn't both be in it and take it. The sun was just coming up and the air was cool, the perfect time for a little scripture studying in the groves below the temple.

I'll post my other pictures as soon as I pick more favorites. The sister missionaries stopped by last night and ooo'd and awed over them with me, it'll be difficult to narrow them down. I'll also get around to sharing about how I lost and found my keys in the above grove.

Road Trip - Day Three - A Day of Tickets

Started the day flying down the highway to make it here in time (luckily everytime a cop was around I was boxed in by cars frustratingly going the speed limit)

 Then I headed downtown to visit Gateway Arch. I bought my ticket (ticket number 1) to go to the top and then browsed the musuem where I saw real life catholic nuns for the first time and then waited and waited and waited some more for my 2:15 ride to the top (which actually meant we got on the tram at 3, I wish they had told me that, I had places to be and I was hungery and therefore cranky!)  Picture time.

I finally got my tram ticket!! (ticket number 2) Tram 3 with a lovely couple from England (now living in Phelidelphia) and another couple of which the wife rode with her eyes closed because she was clausterphobic and those trams are TINY.

The Trams are really cool, I didn't get a picture though. They were designed in 2 weeks by a college drop out which I think is awesome! They're circular and as they go up the arch it rotates at intervals so you don't go unside down.

I made it to the top!

The riverboat looked like a bath toy.

The first bridge to use the cantilevered arch.

After the arch I went on my merry way to Nauvoo, the only hiccup was while I was jamming out to Phatom of the Opera, not exactly paying attention to my speed, I got another ticket (my third for the day) and not one I wanted. But on a happy note speeding tickets in Missouri are half the price of tickets in Texas!

I love this view!

Road Trip - Day Two - Corn, Cattle & Construction Cones

Day two of my roadtrip consisted of driving from Oklahoma City to Columbia, MO. Pretty much all I saw was corn and cattle and construction cones. I did observe that when cattle are traveling somewhere and not being herded they travel in single file lines. Who knew cattle were that organized. The highlight of the day was stopping here for a few hours:

Kansas City LDS Temple

And then arriving in Columbia and spending the evening with my wonderful friend Marybeth.

She'd kill me if she knew I posted this picture :)

She took me on the Grand Tour of Columbia and then out to dinner and custard and then we walked along the Katy Trail to work off our extra full stomachs. It's been so much fun and will be repeated Tuesday when I pass through again.

Oh and just when I thought the trip couldn't get any more boring I saw one of these just outside Kansas City, how cool is that?!

Road Trip-Day One-Murrah Building Memorial

So the Pigster (aka Piglet my car) and I roadtriping it up to Nauvoo right now, we got on the road about 4 after working most of the day and have stopped over in Oklahoma City. I decided while I'm here I should go to the Murrah Building Memorial downtown and o my goodness that place is incredible. I will admit to almost tearing up a few times. Here's a few pictures:

The Gates of Time:

9:01 the moment of innocence before the attack

9:03 the moment of horror and hope after the attack

 For the Rescuers

An outpouring of love - new things are still tied here everyday 

From around the world tiles came they made a few into a wall

The Survivors

 "Deeply rooted faith sustains us"

The statue is across the street at the St Joseph's Cathedral aptly named "And Jesus Wept"

The Field of Empty Chairs

9 rows for each of the 9 floors

168 chairs for each person taken

149 large for the adults

19 small for the children

But for those who lost someone April 19th 1995 there is only one chair that matters.

I overheard one of the park rangers telling about one of the small chairs: a little girl's whose father worked in the building as an army recruiter and had brought his family to work that fateful day. He survived, his wife survived, his older daughter survived, his younger daughter somehow did not. Stories like that just break my heart and I'm sure if I stopped to listen I could have heard 168 more heartbreaking stories.